Silent Night (2012)

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Director: Steven C. Miller

Cast: Malcolm McDowell, Jaime King, Donal Logue, Ellen Wong, Brendan Fehr

Screenplay: Jayson Rothwell

94 mins. Rated R for bloody violence, some sexuality/nudity, language and brief drug use.

 

After the disappearance of Deputy Jordan (Brendan Fehr, Guardians of the Galaxy, X-Men: First Class) and rising count of corpses start popping up in town, officer Aubrey Bradimore (Jaime King, Pearl Harbor, Sin City: A Dame to Kill For) is tasked with hunting down a psychopath dressed as Santa Claus…on Christmas Eve of all days. Sheriff Cooper (Malcolm McDowell, A Clockwork Orange, Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness) doesn’t trust the unseasoned young cop, and Aubrey is forced to bet on her gut as a gruesome trail is uncovered, and the culprit may be tied to all of them.

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In this, the remake to Silent Night, Deadly Night (though, to be fair, it seems like more of a reboot, but never mind that), we see how flimsy the original film really was. This story is riddled with plot holes disguising themselves as tongue-in-cheek homages to clichés but come off as mere problems with a mostly problematic film. So many half-answered plot threads, so many!

Thankfully, the cast understands the intended tone of the film, and most of them perform admirably, including McDowell and Donal Logue (TV’s Grounded for Life, The Reef 2: High Tide), who plays a drunk and lousy dime-store Santa suspected of being the murderous madman.

Unfortunately, I said most. Jaime King underperforms to an already poorly put together character and can’t handles the front seat of this ride. Her character merely fills up space.

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I had fun with this film, as I did with the original it is based on, and I loved the rare send-ups to the original series with heightened my enjoyment. Altogether, though, Silent Night could have been more fun. It wasn’t.

 

2/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 12 Days of Christmas, click here.

It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992)

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Director: Bill Melendez

Cast: Jamie E. Smith, John Christian Graas, Marnette Patterson, Mindy Ann Martin, Jodie Sweetin, Phillip Lucier, Lindsay Bennish, Sean Mendelson, Deanna Tello, Matthew Slowik, Brittany M. Thornton, Bill Melendez

Screenplay: Charles M. Schulz

22 mins. Not Rated.

 

I’m not sure if you all know or not, but I’m not really into the whole Charlie Brown thing. I never really caught the bug for it. I like the original special for Halloween and Christmas, but overall, I’m not really pining to see them yearly. When I came across the second Christmas special, I was intrigued, but then I saw it. Now I know why people don’t discuss it.

It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown is presented in a series of little moments chronicling the various characters getting ready for the holiday. On the surface, the special seems like an interesting idea. Unfortunately, the various vignettes don’t really takes us anywhere. Then, the entire framework takes a backseat to essentially a repeat of the original as the characters look for the meaning of Christmas. Sadly, the special goes nowhere.

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I really wanted to take a chance on this second Charlie Brown Christmas special. It just went off the rails. There isn’t a through-line here to go on. I can see now why this special was originally abandoned before being salvaged back together.

 

1/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 12 Days of Christmas, click here.

For my review of Bill Melendez’s A Charlie Brown Christmas, click here.

Jack Frost (1998)

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Director: Troy Miller

Cast: Michael Keaton, Kelly Preston, Joseph Cross, Mark Addy, Henry Rollins

Screenplay: Mark Steven Johnson, Steve Bloom, Jonathan Roberts, Jeff Cesario

101 mins. Rated PG for mild language.

 

Hey everyone, another year, another 12 Days of Christmas! I’m glad you joined me on this ride again. Let’s begin by looking back on a film that I initially didn’t care for but wanted to revisit: Jack Frost.

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No, I’m not talking about the horror film, but yes, one day I’ll show you that. This is the Michael Keaton (Birdman, Spotlight) film.

From director Troy Miller (TV’s Arrested Development, Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd) comes the story of a musician named Jack Frost (Keaton) who hasn’t been able to juggle his personal life with that of his family, including wife Gabby (Kelly Preston, Jerry Maguire, Casino Jack) and son Charlie (Joseph Cross, Lincoln, Milk). Then, one fateful snowy night, Jack is involved in an accident while driving home to set things straight with his family and dies. Yeah, you heard right, he dies. Deadzo. Then, the following year, as the Frost family struggles to cope with the anniversary of Jack’s death, something magical happens. We don’t really know what, but the important thing is that Jack Frost comes back in the form of a wise-cracking pun-filled living snowman. Jack has little time to set his affairs in order and right the wrongs of his life, so with help from his son Charlie, Jack sets out to prove he’s the “coolest” dad ever (hot damn, even I can’t believe I just wrote that).

On second viewing of Jack Frost, I was sad to find that my initial thoughts on the film hadn’t changed. I felt this strange feeling of disappointment that so much could go wrong here. I happen to think that Michael Keaton is one of the greatest and yet underappreciated actors currently working (and I love that he received such notoriety for last year’s Birdman), but I don’t think he had much to work with here. The script is so poorly written, giving way for too much fluff in a film that should be a dad trying to right his wrongs. For one thing, a ball is dropped by never letting Jack interact with his wife. Being a man back from the great beyond, I would want to see my wife, tell her I love her, and give everything I could to make her understand that I’m okay up there, but Jack doesn’t get to do that. Instead, he has a snowball fight, and a sledding scene, which could be fun, but give me something here.

I didn’t have a lot of problems performance-wise because I don’t think the fault can be placed on the performers. This script is riddled with disappointment.

And don’t tell me that the film is meant to be a heart-warming tale of a father and son, because I see what it wants to be and raise it a level by asking why the story exists. What’s the why here? Why did Jack come back? Why as a snowman? And why not let him have the chance to do something about this? This story seems like the biggest fudge-up in existence and makes whoever or whatever is responsible for Jack’s return seem like a jerk.

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In the end, I had a lot of questions hanging after finishing the film even on the second view. The visual effects were pretty good for the time and haven’t aged that poorly, but under better scribes and the work of a better director, this story could have given our actors a playground to explore, but instead, we get a botched attempt at schmaltzy sentimentality that fails to connect to viewers.

 

 

1.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

 

For more 12 Days of Christmas, click here.

200 Posts! Many thanks!

Hey everyone!

Earlier this week, I crossed the 200 post mark, and I just wanted to take a minute to thank all my faithful readers for tuning in for all the craziness as I get used to this again. Below, you will see links to my Top 10 Posts of the last 200 posts. Thanks again! Keep reading and I’ll keep writing!

  1. No Xenomorphs in Prometheus 2? What has all this been for?
  2. Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
  3. Horrible Bosses (2011)
  4. Leprechaun (1993)
  5. 2012 (2009)
  6. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
  7. Monkey Shines (1988)
  8. The Lego Movie (2014)
  9. How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)
  10. Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)

 

Lastly, I want to hear some feedback from my readers. Let me know what you want to see. I’m always looking for new ways to spark discussion!

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Twelfth Day… My Thank You

Hey everyone. I thought I would start this last day of Christmas to give you my thanks for this past year. I started writing this blog in January but I started planning on Christmas Day. I just wanted to thank you for reading, thank you for enjoying, and thank you for passing the word along. I want to thank you for reading that first post, for watching scary movies all October, and for counting down the 12 Days of Christmas. Thanks again!

 

Today, I just want to leave you with a thought. What is your Christmas movie of choice? Everyone seems to have a fave film that gets recycled every year. Mine, of course, is Christmas Vacation.

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My girlfriend always watches Home Alone.

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My sister-in-law is A Christmas Story.

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So what is yours? Let me know down below. Merry Christmas! Here’s to 2015!

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Eleventh Day… Christmas Vacation (1989)

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Director: Jeremiah Chechik

Cast: Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Randy Quaid

Screenplay: John Hughes

97 mins. Rated PG-13.

 

So when people ask me what the ultimate Halloween movie is, I tell them it is Halloween. When they ask me what the ultimate Christmas movie, I tell them it is Christmas Vacation, the third film in the Vacation franchise from twenty-five years back.

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It stars Chevy Chase (TV’s Community, Caddyshack) as Clark Griswold, the bumbling no-brained father of two and husband to gorgeous Ellen (Beverly D’Angelo, TV’s Entourage, American History X). Clark just wants one thing: to host the ultimate Christmas weekend for his extended family. He wants the hap-hap-happiest Christmas. Too bad he keeps running into problems, from a tree too big to an unwanted guest in the form of cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid, Brokeback Mountain, The Ice Harvest), from an overcooked turkey to a good ol’ fashioned kidnapping, Clark is in for one long holiday.

It all starts with a proven formula from comedy genius John Hughes (Home Alone 2: Lost in New York, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off). Hughes has been behind some of the best comedies of the 1980s. He spearheaded the original short story that started the film series. Hughes has a powerhouse screenplay here that differs in tone drastically from the previous installments. Toss in Chevy Chase, who just knows his character so well, and there is nothing that can stop this film. From the moment Clark appears onscreen, he makes the assertion that it doesn’t matter whether the tree he has picked is too big for his backyard as son Rusty claims, because it isn’t going in the backyard, it’s going in the living room, immediately addressing his inability to see things realistically.

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Christmas Vacation is what the holidays are about, whether we like them or not. It is sendup to what we do for those we love and what we have to go through to survive. I love this film and I suggest it to anyone looking to close out the holiday the right way.

 

4.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Tenth Day… How to Celebrate Festivus!

[12 Days of Christmas Festivus!] On the Tenth Day… How to Celebrate Festivus!

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Hey everyone, Happy Festivus!
For those of you that aren’t aware of Festivus, it is the Costanza version of Christmas (celebrated and observed on the 23rd of December) from the television series Seinfeld.

 

The Aluminum Pole

Instead of a Christmas Tree, set up an Aluminum Pole. We find tinsel distracting.

 

Festivus Dinner

For Festivus dinner, red food is preferred, like Beefarino (or Beefaroni from Chef Boyardee). Follow up with Tuna on Toast, Pretzels, and don’t forget Black & White Cookies for dessert (Look to the cookie).

 

The Feats of Strength

The Feats of Strength are an important festivity. Usually, the previous winner chooses a new target. It should be someone who hasn’t done it recently. If there is a discrepancy (multiple winners from different families or no winner present), the head of the house chooses an opponent. Until you pin me [insert opponent], Festivus is not over!

 

The Airing of Grievances

When you gather the family around the table, the head of the house or previous feats of strength winner gets to tell the family all the ways in which they have disappointed him or her over the past year.

 

Don’t forget “Festivus Miracles”

This is an event reserved for anyone not the head of household or feats of strength winner. You will know what a festivus miracle is when you see it. Trust me!

 

Don’t forget the Hennigans!

H-E-Double N-I…!

 

The Human Fund

Gifts for Festivus include gifts made as donations to The Human Fund.

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Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us!

 

-Kyle A. Goethe

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Ninth Day… [Take 5] Christmas Episodes!

Hey everyone, today we are looking at 5 Christmas Episodes and whether they are worth your half-hour! Let’s begin!

Take 5 Christmas Episodes

Family Guy “A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas”

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It is Christmastime in Quahog and Lois (Alex Borstein, TV’s MadTV, A Million Ways to Die in the West) is dedicated to getting her family the perfect Christmas. It doesn’t go over well when Peter (Seth MacFarlane, TV’s Robot Chicken, Ted) drops off the family’s gifts at the donation for in-need families, Stewie takes his roll as Baby Jesus in the Nativity scene too far, and Brian burns the turkey. Lois has to come to terms with an imperfect Christmas for the Griffin family.

I like this special. The call-outs to other stranger Christmas specials are quite interesting, as seen with Kiss Saves Santa. I also happen to think a lot like Lois here. I want the perfect Christmas for my family and it never actually happens the way I want. It is a cute little detour for the Griffins, made before the series cancellation and long before the onset raunchiness began.

Community “Comparative Religion”

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As Shirley (Yvette Nicole Brown, TV’s Pound Puppies, (500) Days of Summer) tries to keep the peace and the holidays in check, Jeff Winger (Joel McHale, TV’s The Soup, A Merry Friggin’ Christmas) decides that Christmas is the right time to fight the school bully.

As far as Christmas episodes go, this one is more forgettable. A fine episode, to be sure, but not a regular yearly tradition. Wait until Season 2’s special.

Arrested Development “In God We Trust”

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It is time for the yearly Christmas “Living Classics Pageant” in which famous artworks are reenacted for the public. George Sr. (Jeffrey Tambor, TV’s Transparent, The Hangover) always plays God and Buster (Tony Hale, TV’s Veep, Stranger Than Fiction) always plays Adam in The Creation of Adam, but with George Sr. in jail, the family needs to front the money to get him out for the day, but is he just trying to escape?

This is a classic episode for fans of Arrested Development. For all others, this episode has too many intersecting plotlines from previous episodes.

Spongebob Squarepants “Christmas Who?”

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Spongebob hasn’t heard of Christmas. Until Now. Now he wants it more than even, but unfortunately Squidward has become a certifiable Grinch. What is Spongebob going to do?

I love this episode. Not only does it have a catchy song to accompany it, but it has a nice lesson about what’s important to others. Watch this one!

The Office “Christmas Party”

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When Michael Scott (Steve Carell, Crazy Stupid Love, Foxcatcher) decides to break the rules to Secret Santa, he has to fix the situation by breaking the rules again: by breaking corporate’s policy of no alcohol at the Christmas party.

Another great episode! We have all has that boss, and we have all had that Christmas party, and we have all received that gift.

Take-Aways:

The real winners here are Spongebob Squarepants and The Office, not to mention Family Guy. The other two episodes are great for fans only. What’s your favorite Christmas episode? Let me know!

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Eighth Day… Home Alone (1990)

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Director: Chris Columbus

Cast: Macauley Culkin, Joe Pesci, Daniel Stern, John Heard, Catherine O’Hara

Screenplay: John Hughes

103 mins. Rated PG.

  • Academy Award Nominee: Best Music, Original Song “Somewhere in My Memory”
  • Academy Award Nominee: Best Music, Original Score

 

Growing up, I was not a major fan of Home Alone. I can’t really say why, but perhaps I feel like the film was oversaturated and existed in such a wide capacity that it was just too much. Every year with this film, and I often confused the events of the first film with those of the second which was very jarring.

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At the behest of my mother, who adores the film, I took a look back on it a few years back. My feelings were very different that time around.

Kevin McAllister (Macauley Culkin, Richie Rich, Sex and Breakfast) doesn’t connect with his family. In fact, he wishes he never had a family. When he awakens one morning to discover that his family is gone, he is overjoyed that his wish came true. Kevin’s family has gone to France without him, but now he is home alone while two criminals named Harry (Joe Pesci, GoodFellas, The Good Shepherd) and Marv (Daniel Stern, TV’s Manhattan, City Slickers), known as the Wet Bandits, try to break into his home. It is up to Kevin to protect his home and himself while his mother (Catherine O’Hara, The Nightmare Before Christmas, A.C.O.D.) attempts to get back home to spend Christmas with her son.

I like this movie much more as an adult. There is something about returning to the imagination like a situation like this actually happening. I didn’t have the growing up experience where I wanted to get rid of my family. I enjoyed Macauley Culkin’s ability to carry this movie and the great supporting work from Pesci and Stern certainly help. John Hughes (Vacation, The Breakfast Club) knows how to write a screenplay, and this is one drastically different from his 1980’s teen comedy work. Then there’s Chris Columbus (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone), who isn’t so much a good director as he is a capable one. He does fine work here assisted by a powerful and unsettling score from John Williams.

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Looking back, Home Alone was a fun time to watch a movie. It has the insane premise which amazingly works quite well, it isn’t derailed by a less-than-amazing Chris Columbus or the bumbling thieves or even the quite rude family members. Still a fun time; still a Christmas miracle.

 

4/5

-Kyle A. Goethe

[12 Days of Christmas] On the Seventh Day… Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

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Director: Larry Roemer

Cast: Billie Mae Richards, Burl Ives, Paul Soles

Screenplay: Romeo Muller

47 mins. Rated TV-G.

 

Really there isn’t much bad I can bestow on Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. So all I can do is be as scathing as possible. Let’s begin…

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Just like the song, Rudolph (Billie Mae Richards, The Care Bears Movie) had a very shiny nose, and it has caused him a lot of problems. Santa won’t let him join up with his reindeer to deliver gifts. His father forces him to cover it up. All of the other reindeer laugh and call him names; in fact, they won’t let him join in the reindeer games. It isn’t until he meets the elf Hermey (Paul Soles, The Incredible Hulk, The Score). Hermey wants to be a dentist, so the two set out to reach their dreams.

As I said before, I like a lot of this film. So I am just going to tell you what I don’t like.

I don’t like “Silver and Gold.”

I don’t like The Island of Misfit Toys.

I don’t like Hermey. I find him to be a misfit and a nitwit.

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Literally, I like the rest of this film. Seriously.

 

4.5/5

-Kyle A. Goethe